In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
