I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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