OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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