I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
