Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We need to get me chipped asap
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