Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
