You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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