you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
