He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
