Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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