If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
