oh god the rape fog is back!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
