I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
