I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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