If that was your dad, he is hot
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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