I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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