Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
