I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
