Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
