We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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