bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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