I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I smell like Dick and happiness
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
