Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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