Where is the hickey?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
