My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
