He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
