And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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