So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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