Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize