a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
