yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
