This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
