I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
honey bunches of taint.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
