Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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