she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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