so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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