So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
