Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
