This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
