you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
