she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
