I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am available for nakedness
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
