i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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