Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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