i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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