Small penises have feelings too.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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