i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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