can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
