he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
