she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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