didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ketchup is God's man juice
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
