M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
