Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
