I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
